Don’t you hate it when you’re thinking of something but you can’t remember what it’s called or who wrote it or who was in it? I’d like to look up a movie I saw years ago but all I can remember about it is that it’s a dreary, tragic, frontier movie. Yeah, narrowed that one down a lot, didn’t I? 

@dragonpressgraphics replied to your post:
@dragonpressgraphics replied to your post:
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it totally sucks. i got 1 word yesterday. i managed a quick thing this morning before bed but i’ve just been feeling off all weekend. today feels worse and i’m afraid of tomorrow. if i call outta work tomorrow, even though its afresh new year with fresh new time to use, i’ll ‘get in trouble’ because i need to ‘plan my use of my SICK time better" like wtf? right. i’l know ahead of time when i’m going to be sick. sure.

That’s so stupid. WTF no one plans on being sick. I hate that kind of crap b/c obviously it means they don’t really believe you when you tell them you’re sick. Which is so rude and annoying.
I hope you feel better, though. Getting sick is no fun.

@majesticduxk replied to your post “My New Years Resolution this year was to do the things I want without…”

I feel like small challenges are great, because they are approachable, but can still make a huge difference in your life ❤

That’s kind of why I make the resolutions I do. I only do one a year and they’re always small. Sure, i’d be nice to have larger goals but those always seem overwhelming. I think if I just focus on one thing that makes an impact hopefully it will make more of a difference. 

My New Years Resolution this year was to do the things I want without shame and/or guilt. I know it seems like a simple little thing that most people can accomplish, but it’s probably one of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever attempted. 

Saying “no” and “I want to” are equally different. I talk a big game, but I’m a people pleaser when it comes down to it and I have and will do things I *really* don’t want to if I think it will hurt someone else’s feelings. I am closely guarded when it comes to how I act and what I say b/c I *hate* conflict and dissent. 

This year I’m trying to allow myself to do what I want and to not do what I don’t want. And that’s super hard and it sucks because the first time I really had to test that I failed. My step-grandma gave me scrap booking things for Christmas (used, might I add) and she wanted to spend the day doing that with me tomorrow. I didn’t want to. I don’t like her. She’s cruel and tackless and picks at every one of my insecurities and she’s made me cry nearly every time we interact. But I said I would. Because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I ended up making an excuse about not being able to go to get out of it and I feel horrible. I didn’t want to spend hours with her, looking at pictures of me as a kid, when I was happy and had ideas about where my life was going, and pretend that seeing that younger version of myself doesn’t break my heart. I didn’t want to listen to her make comments about my life or how I *need* to go back to school so she can see her grankid graduate. But I still feel like hell for not doing what I said I was going to do. 

I guess I didn’t realize how bad I’d gotten.