deancasheadcanons:

4.5k words based on this Craigslist ad

Fourth of July fic featuring a 20-year age difference, shotgunning, chubby dad Dean, lots of weed and my actual dad Gary

To interested individuals,

We will be throwing a backyard barbeque on July 1 with a group of about 15 men and women between the ages of 21 and 25. While most of us know how to operate a grill, none of us are willing to fulfill the role of “BBQ dad.” That being said, we are in need of a generic father figure between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. We’ll be partying well into the night, shooting off illegal fireworks, making out with each other, etc., so you’re welcome to stay and hang out all night or leave once the grilling duties are complete.

Duties include:

-Grilling hamburgers and hotdogs (while drinking beer)

-Refer to all male attendees as “big guy,” “chief,” “champ,” and all female attendees by their first names because we’re not weird

-Talk about dad things like lawnmowers, building your own deck, Jimmy Buffet, etc. Funny anecdotes are highly encouraged. All while drinking beer.

Desired experience:

-Minimum 18 years as a dad

-Minimum of 10 years grilling experience

-An appreciation of a nice, cold beer on a summer day

We can’t pay you in money, BUT we can give you all the food and cold beer your heart desires. Grill for a few hours, then sit back and crack open a few cold ones with the boys.

THIS IS A REAL AD. Do not hesitate to call if you are interested. Preference will be given to applicants named Bill, Dave or Gary.

Keep reading