Some thoughts about gender and dysphoria and sex (the kind with hormones, not the naked kind) and all that shit. Also, the reason I’ve been not in a great place the past few weeks.
Probably tmi but I talk about my breasts and I talk about genitalia a bit. Like I said, it’s dysphoria.
hey, so i hope this is ok to reblog. let me know if you want me to delete it. i just wanted to say this in case it helps.
to me it sounds like you are really being hard on yourself! and invalidating yourself. you don’t have to prove your identity to anyone. you don’t have to be gender-fluid “enough” to use that word if you want to use it. you’re not hurting anyone by questioning how you feel and feeling out if one word or another fits.
idk if you went through that kind of second guessing with bi stuff but personally i did the kind of panicked “I’m hurting pple for saying i’m bi if I currently feel uneven levels of attraction” and all other kinds of reasons to discount my feelings and make myself feel more insecure about it. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was bi and it was ok and I wasn’t *hurting anyone* by being that way or claiming that label. I’m not saying these are the same things, but your reasoning here sounds reaaaaaly familiar to me in that way. don’t be hard on yourself… you are valid. period!
that said i can only imagine the fear that might be part of how you’re feeling (I’ve only had one experience with suddenly feeling like i should have a dick and it was kind of *terrifying* not so much because of the feeling itself, which was actually pretty peaceful and nice, but the rest of my brain freaking out about *what does this mean?!!*. In my case it’s been a very small part of my experience so far in life. but i understand it could be scary, but… don’t add more to your plate by adding invalidation as well? what you feel is valid, whatever percentage you feel it in.
that’s my 2c
I don’t mind if you reblog. I put it out in the public internets and mainly just kept it under the cut in case anyone didn’t want to read it.
Honestly, now that I’m thinking about it I kinda did go through the something similar when I kinda had to accept that I was bi. At the time it was more of a “well, it doesn’t really count because I’ve never been with a woman/only been with one woman/it’s just a phase/ect.” So, yeah, invalidation is definitely a thing I struggle with. I didn’t worry so much about hurting others, but I think if I would have known about the “discourse” at the time I probably would have.
Fear is definitely a part of it. It’s new and a change and that’s almost always scary. I’ll definitely try not to invalidation to the pile of things to deal with. It’s definitely something I struggle with in most aspects of my life. But it definitely helps to have you and so many other people in my corner and reminding me that there isn’t such a thing as genderfluid “enough”.
Thank you.
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