Tag: stuff about me

My New Years Resolution this year was to do the things I want without shame and/or guilt. I know it seems like a simple little thing that most people can accomplish, but it’s probably one of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever attempted. 

Saying “no” and “I want to” are equally different. I talk a big game, but I’m a people pleaser when it comes down to it and I have and will do things I *really* don’t want to if I think it will hurt someone else’s feelings. I am closely guarded when it comes to how I act and what I say b/c I *hate* conflict and dissent. 

This year I’m trying to allow myself to do what I want and to not do what I don’t want. And that’s super hard and it sucks because the first time I really had to test that I failed. My step-grandma gave me scrap booking things for Christmas (used, might I add) and she wanted to spend the day doing that with me tomorrow. I didn’t want to. I don’t like her. She’s cruel and tackless and picks at every one of my insecurities and she’s made me cry nearly every time we interact. But I said I would. Because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I ended up making an excuse about not being able to go to get out of it and I feel horrible. I didn’t want to spend hours with her, looking at pictures of me as a kid, when I was happy and had ideas about where my life was going, and pretend that seeing that younger version of myself doesn’t break my heart. I didn’t want to listen to her make comments about my life or how I *need* to go back to school so she can see her grankid graduate. But I still feel like hell for not doing what I said I was going to do. 

I guess I didn’t realize how bad I’d gotten. 

30 Questions Tag Game

I was tagged by @jemariel! Thanks!

Gender: *intense shrugging* Genderfluid? Bigender? IDK. I wanna be a guy but I like being a lady, too. 

Birthday: September 6th

Last movie seen: The last movie I remember watching was Thor: The Dark World but that was a month ago and I’m sure I’ve zoned out on other movies since then. 

What do you post/reblog: Supernatural, destiel, defense of darkfic stuff, discussion about fanfic and fandom and all that. I try to keep it light but that’s just not possible for me. 

Last thing you Googled: Ghost Pets Sims 4 

Favorite blog: I don’t pick favorites. I love all my friends. 🙂 

Dream job: I study fandom and write papers on it and a university pays me lots of money to talk to young adults about the culture of fandom and the impact of slash fic. 

Dream trip: Cruise! 

What would be your first entry in a new diary: Dear Diary, people are being idiots again. 

Top 3 things you love about yourself: I have pretty eyes, I’m funny, and I ask a lot of questions. 

3 things you wish you knew how to do: To balance things (I’m so all-or-nothing it’s ridiculous), to let things go, and to whistle. 

Something you wish you had discovered/ invented first: Aglets. idk

3 qualities you like in a person: Honesty, Compassion, Humor 

3 qualities you dislike in a person: Judgmental-ness (that’s not a word. whatever.), Snobbery, Unwillingness to Compromise 

Favorite planet: Uranus! Seriously! It’s sideways! 

A resolution you make every year: I don’t make resolutions unless they’re complete jokes. One year I made a resolution to not match my socks a single day in the year (and I actually kept it). 

Something you’re better at than most people: I have no clue. 

Something you’re worse at than most people: I can’t drive stick shift. 

Favorite thing about tumblr: It’s a good place to find fandom stuff and make friends who have the same interests that you do. 

Least favorite thing about tumblr: Bad information and outdated information spreads really easily. Also, it’s one of the worst platforms to have actual nuanced discussions about things on but people insist on doing it anyway. Oh, and the culture of guilt and shame. (There are a lot of things I don’t like about tumblr.) 

Weapon of choice: A sharp tongue and a quick wit. 

Something not many people know about you: There’s a lot lol. Uhhhhhhh….. I’m actually super argumentative and I’m always up for a debate (almost always, sometimes I need to sleep). I get kinda jittery after a while if I haven’t had the opportunity to argue with someone about something so I wind up driving my brothers crazy b/c I’ll just start arguing about whatever’s on my mind (pop culture most of the time) and they’re like “dude, I agree with you. I get it!” and I’m like “nooooo! fight me!!!”. I enjoy playing devil’s advocate in these sorts of things, too. But for the most part I try to keep it off tumblr b/c that shit gets out of hand quick and like I said earlier, nuance doesn’t exist. 

Favorite means of transport: Someone else drives me everywhere. (I hate driving.) 

Favorite story: Watership Down by Richard Adams. I read the blurb on the back and it sounded really interested and then I started reading it and I was like “wait, this is about rabbits?!?!” But it was really a good book and I enjoyed it immensely. It’s kind of… idk if epic is the right word but it does have shades of epic storytelling. I read it last…. six years ago? But I still think about it from time to time. 

Chicken or egg: Chicken

Something that always makes you laugh: Anything my brother does. Seriously the kid is hilarious. 

What is the strangest thing about you: Pick a thing; I’m not normal by any standard. 

You get to switch places with someone for a day, who is it and why: The alternate version of myself that is everything I want to be and has everything I could only dream of. And then I’d find a way to sabotage the reversal process and steal alternate me’s life. 

Tagging: @maliciouslycreative @trisscar368 @dragonpressgraphics @tellthenight @samanddeaninpanties @omgbubblesomg 

I have been tagged in a buttload of things and I will try to get to them over the next little while. I had a very busy day of last minute shopping (because I literally could not find the damn thing I wanted to get my brother but I wound up getting him something similar so he’ll still like it) and pre-Christmas preparations. 

I’ll be happy when it’s the 26th.