self harm mention – This is Not a Blog

intotheruins:

rosemoonweaver:

@intotheruins replied to your post:
The only thing worse than being torn between two…

Ohhh, whatcha working on?

Star Wars AU fanfic!
One is a finnpoe modern Cinderella type thingy that I’ve got outlined, another is a dark reylo witch/demon fic I’ve been kicking around for a few weeks, and another is the reylo selkie au I took down but still kept and have been considering putting back up.
So yeah, good stuff I just don’t know what I want to spend my time one.

Uh oh, why’d you take the one down? Also I need all of this. (Can I read the selkie au? Like if you send it to me maybe? Obviously it’s totally cool if the answer is no :D).

I was having a bad mental health day and kind of… well the good news is that I didn’t do anything to hurt myself physically but I did delete that fic and a few things off tumblr. It wasn’t because I didn’t like the AU or anything, I just kind of got it in my head that I was wasting my time and I started to get paranoid. Like I said, bad mental health day.

@samanddeaninpanties also wants me to put the AU back up and I think I probably will. It’s only the first chapter and the prologue, right now, but I’m obviously not over it so maybe it would be a good idea to stick it back up and see what happens. And maybe this time do a little self-promotion.

But yeah, I can let you read it! If you want I can share the google doc link with you! I’m not sure if I want to put it back up today or this week but I wouldn’t mind if you read it 🙂

And yeah, I need those other two things, too. Which is why I’m so torn, lol.

You know what I hate about my brain? The constant drain circling I get myself into.

Like, I’ll think of a thing I want, then I’ll doubt it, then I’ll try to figure out what I want to/should do, then I’ll tell myself no, then I’ll argue with myself, then I’ll berate myself for arguing, then I try to calm down, try to justify and reason with myself, then I get confused and start all over again. It’s exhausting. And it makes me want to tear my hair out (which I’m not supposed to do anymore) or hit myself (also on the list of things I’m not allowed to do anymore).

It’s really frustrating and I don’t like it. But I’m trying to work on it so I don’t have to keep doing it all the time. But it sucks to have to fight yourself.