I had to dig a bit to find it, buthere’s a long-ass thread to which I offered my own input (as @rhodanum, my old username) on how the fandom dynamics of F/F changed in the last few years and how purity crusaders hit F/F hard, before moving with all their shouting to M/M (with M/F being either ignored because ‘ewwwww het’ or condemned wholesale for ‘pushing heteronormativity’).
The unyielding influence of purity culture on F/F, particularly on here, is probably the main reason why I ship so very little femslash to begin with, despite being sexually and emotionally attracted to women. To put it bluntly, I’m not interested in the slightest in anodyne, flower-crown fluff or ‘soft lesbian pastel queens of Westeros’, as the OP put it so well (because this is a dynamic that can be seen across all fandoms, not just GoT/ASoIaF). To be clear, I’ve got no issue with people for whom that’s enjoyable, like and produce whatever content floats your boat, you’ll never get any grief from me on that account. My problem is that all too often, this is the only kind of F/F content permitted to exist, with anything else attacked mercilessly. That’s a sure-fire way to drive people away and tank the numbers of F/F fanworks, which is exactly what we’re seeing now.
As for ‘problematic’ F/F suddenly being presented as sparkles and rainbows… I suspect this is a natural consequence of purity culture and of people being dragged through the mud if their fave characters and ships are in any wayunacceptable on here. In this context, people can either abandon their ships, keep on shopping them the same as before (not as easy as someone older, like me, makes it sound, particularly for young people whose entire social circles might be subscribing to purity culture) OR warp the characters and ship to such an extent that they fit Tumblr’s definition of ‘pure.’ Often, this is nothing more than a coat of thin pastel-paint that people slap on so they can be left the bloody hell alone.
The problem with this, as @janiedean pointed out above, is that you end up in the ludicrous situation where something you know is fucked-up in some way or other, is now getting presented as soft and twee and as if there’s nothing wrong whatsoever. Mind, I’m not approaching this from the purity angle, where my issue is that the content is problematic to begin with. My issue is that purity culture and its peddlers are creating the genuinely unhealthy situation where people are sweeping the problematic aspects of something under a paper-thin carpet, instead of working head-on with them and acknowledging them as such. The consensus when I was coming of age in fandom was that you could write and read and enjoy whatever messed-up content you damn well pleased, so long as you never lied to yourself or others about it being messed-up and tried to pass it off as ‘twu-wub’ or whatever else. That is an infinitely more healthy and less dangerous approach to complicated and messy topics than the ‘100% Pure or 100% Problematic’ approach I see these days, with one getting lionized and the other used as an excuse for harassment campaigns. It’s the same principle that’s led to another fandom consensus (tagging appropriately) starting to break down, with people now afraid to tag their works as ‘incest’ or whatever else applicable, because there are individuals trawling those tags looking for creators to harass.
going to talk about Tumblr’s vision of Margaery/Sansa. That stuff could be a very good badwrong ship with Margaery emotionnaly abusive Sansa and all we get is unicorns and rainbows!
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ANON AHAHAHAHAHAHAH 100% AGREED I mean I’m not even gonna touch the juvie show which has the exact same problem in the sense that the ff canon ship is EVERYTHING BUT UNPROBLEMATIC but people are all like UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS about it (ew) and that’s why I don’t touch it with a ten foot pole, but the fact that marg/sansa is seen as OMG THE SOFT LESBIAN PASTEL QUEENS OF WESTEROS and then their fans used to go tell sandor/sansa shippers that we sucked because we ship sansa with a guy who abuses her (????)….. hahahaha. god. I think it’s in the top three asoiaf/got notps more for that than for anything else, because usually I’d just dislike it and be done with it but the fact that they’re sold as this amazingly perfect healthy ship just irks me to really, really bad degrees.
and the fun thing is that the one f/f ship I have is **canon** and it’s actually fairly healthy/somewhat fluff (I mean for its canon) but since it’s in DEADWOOD and no one cares about deadwood and according to tumblr it’d be the most problematic show in existence even if I went and wrote them content NO ONE WOULD GIVE A FUCK so I mean… IF ONLY THESE PEOPLE AT LEAST WATCHED CONTENT WITH F/F CANON SHIPS but naaaaaah. *shrug* and the fun thing of all this dumbass debate is that the aforementioned f/f ship has *one* explicit fic on ao3 and *I* wrote it (and it most likely isn’t the best lesbian sex you ever read but hey I tried because those two are my dynamic and I love them) and someone actually podficced it BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY ONE so I actually most probably did more for the canon f/f ship than any of the people on that post, but hey, I’m a horrid straight person who only has fetishes and has committed the heinous crime of preferring m/m. whatever.
IF ONLY THESE PEOPLE AT LEAST WATCHED CONTENT WITH F/F CANON SHIPS but naaaaaah
Or they’ll watch content with canon F/F and then howl all the way to the moon about age-gaps or ‘power-imbalances’ or whatever the hell else it’s popular to howl about, because there’s always something that can be problematized, if given enough time and creativity (no, I will never stop being a salty queer European over the shitshow that was CMBYN ‘discourse’).
comes from a place of sexism. I mentioned how people are accustomed to the imagery of men in dark, violent situations; male characters go through this stuff all the time! (Not just in m/m) In contrast, female characters generally aren’t allowed to go through disturbing situations and are certainly not allowed to be the cause of them. It comes back to girls being sweet, soft, and innocent in a way that tumblr often misguidedly perpetuates. (cont.)
The fact is, women are just as dark and disturbing as men bc all our minds work in the same way, and there ARE women abusers and women rapists and, yes, EVEN f/f rape and abuse. It exists in real life, so I think the fact that there is practically NO fictional media portraying it is far more telling than the fact that m/m rape fic exists. In fact, I hate to pull out the survivor card or, but I was raped and abused brutally by another girl as a young teen. I want to read manga & stuff (cont.)
about similar situations, because everyone enjoys reading about characters they can relate to. It was completely disheartening when I was younger to not be able to EVER find a similar situation portrayed. It made me feel like I was some extreme statistical outlier. However, I wasn’t. It is simply that media & fandom & society doesn’t like to show violent, disturbing girls; it’s a way of keeping girls ‘palatable’. If you’ve ever read/watched any f/f content (I’ve read a LOT tbh), a lot of (cont.)
the characters are the same worn-out stereotypes doing the same worn-out things, because variety is not encouraged when it comes to women. It’s literary same-face syndrome. Anyway, I’ve ranted quite a bit. My final point is: social awareness has no law over fiction. However, if you really want to play the social issues card, at least understand what it is you’re talking about. Thanks for putting up with all the asks! -fop.
I don’t have much to add to this because you’ve covered everything so thoroughly. Speaking just from a media standpoint, it’s a shame that we see so few female villains and even when we do, they are usually objectified or their character traits all revolve around seduction and sex. There’s just no variety.
And in the real world, ofc, denying that women can be horrible or punishing them less than men for the same crime is just doing them a disservice. Putting women on a pedestal is harmful too and is especially horrible for the people who suffer abuse at the hands of a woman.
Huh? It may be a generational or cultural thing, but ever since I started getting involved in femslash fandom rape and violence has been the favourite plots, be it subtle, character driven portrayals like Shoujo Kakumei Utena or explicit rape fantasy fanservice like Cross Ange or Valkyrie Drive. Like, favourite plots of porny Sailor Moon fiction is “Sailor Soldiers raped by female villians”. Slash and femslash are exactly the same.
So far as I can tell, it is generational. Femslash used to be very much the same as mslash in the nineties and early 2000s, in terms of darkness and villainy.
However, the recent reactionary backswing to purity politics in fandom which is only just now reaching mslash, completely wiped out all concept of female villains in fandom years ago.
First, let’s look at, as you mentioned, Sailor Moon. Specifically, I am thinking of the once immensely popular (though now rather less so) shipping of Chibi-usa and Hotaru’s villainous forms. Although the villain x villain version of the ship lives on, as does the good x good version, I remember very clearly how popular Mistress 9 x Chibi-Usa fics, art, and fandom activity were.
And in those pairings of a villain and a protagonist, there were extensive studies- both fetishistic and not- of rape, abuse, manipulation, grooming. It was dark, it was violent, it was all over the place.
And we knew, of course, that it was bad. We were shipping villains, after all. We knew what was going on was horrible. BUt it was also engaging, interesting, and in my case, proof that people like me (abuse and rape victims) existed.
These fics were some of the ways I found comfort and catharsis after I was raped, which is why the memory of them sticks so much. And why the stark absence of newer works in the same vein is so easy for me to see.
Fast forward a couple of decades and look at another prominent magical girl series that is rife with opportunity to explore horrible subjects: Madoka Magica.
Here we have a set up that begs for the same treatment: a dark haired, purple themed girl who does horrible, dangerous things out of a misguided, manipulative, dangerous love for a pretty pink innocent.
And yet, any time art and fiction in that vein bubbled up in the (female dominated parts of) the fandom, it led to immense harassment campaigns. People being driven off their sites and rings for daring to suggest that the all-too-canon obsession and pain Homura experiences, and the total lack of consequence for her any action, might lead to the inevitable abuse that, somewhat ironically, was itself canonized in the final movie.
The fights were immense, and they were brief. Within a few months, the shift was well and truly complete. Discussing the dangerous, villainous aspects of Homura’s character was all but illegal. The only way it was acceptable was if you were decrying the entire show as “abuse porn.” Certainly you could not make fic or art on the subject.
It happened with other fandoms too, nearly simultaneously. I remember, for example, the entire Vriska debate in homestuck: another character who was openly and unapologetically awful, and whose awfulness it was not acceptable to explore unless you were spending twice as much energy decrying- loudly, aggressively- how bad she was and how anyone who enjoyed her was also criminally violent.
Personally, I assume it was a manifestation of the increasing social awareness of fandom and tumblr, taking an unfortunate turn.
This purity-obsessed backlash never really hit on male characters, and male/male ships.
Until now.
With female characters and female ships having been driven into submission almost uniformly these days, what’s left is male characters and ships.
Which is where modern anti-shippers come in, screaming not only about how good (how obedient, how cleansed) f/f ships are (because any trace of villainy has been stripped form them for almost a decade), but how anyone who ships filthy, dirty m/m is dangerous and criminal too.
Which is odd, for a group claiming to be socially just, since they… habitually refer to queer ships and criminal and disgusting.
BUt homophobia is cool when you’re using it to punish women authors/artists for not conforming to ever-tightening restrictions on what they are allowed to do and create.
This touches on a TON of my issues with fandom. In order:
I noticed the cleansing of femslash of any ‘impure’ elements over the years. The end-result can be seen clearly on Tumblr, where you see femslash ships and dynamics constantly being referred to in soft, gentle, twee, pastel terms, again and again and again, no matter the ship. More power to people who enjoy that, but the problem is that it’s usually the only sort of presentation you run into because it’s the only sort of presentation allowed to exist without some sort of backlash. Same thing about people going on and on about how ‘perfect’ and how ‘pure’ femslash ships are. It just sets my teeth on edge, not just because it’s a classical manifestation of purity culture in action, but because perfection and purity as tropes bore me to absolute death!
Give me female villain/heroine ships with absolutely nothing gentle about them! Give me female anti-heroines that are as flawed and filled with mistakes and jagged edges as the archetypal male Byronic Heroes, who constantly fuck up and wreck their relationships, because they can’t deal appropriately with emotional intimacy! Give me middle-aged, hard-faced, ruthless lady Generals who have short-term, no-strings-attached relationships with woman after woman after woman in the Legions, because they lost their great love years ago and nothing else comes close. Give me femslash ships with faults, with sharpness, with cruelty, with control, with Stockholm Syndrome, with irredeemable mistakes. Don’t spend all your time trying to cram anodyne flower-crown fluff down my throat, because all it’ll do is just make me tell you to go piss up a rope.
The fact that purity bullshit moved to M/M ships after the F/F contingent was suitably ‘tamed’ isn’t any surprise to me at all. You can see it right now, with the constant shouting about what people are ‘allowed’ to write in the slash fics. Brutality? Violence? Sexual violence? Dark kinks? All of it right out. Until what you’re left with is the same thing as with femslash – an endless parade of ‘this ship is so pure uwuuuu’ and ‘this ship is so healthy uwuuuu’ and ‘this ship is so balanced uwuuuu’ with almost nothing else, unless you’re willing to open yourself to some heavy-duty harassment and denigration. To be clear, my issue isn’t the existence of healthy, balanced ships – I believe in variety being what gives meaning to life and variety also being what makes fandoms interesting. Meaning Cinnamon Roll ships co-existing with much darker ones, without a constant trend to make the latter disappear, by any means necessary, until the former dominates across fandoms.
oh my god… this actually explain so much for me??? about me???
like, i kinda felt like a bad queer for not finding as much enjoyment from f/f fanfics but… this is why. i have trouble finding anything with suitably angtsy/dark/complex/anything other than fluffy content. wow.
A perfect explanation on why I can count on the fingers of one hand the f/f stories that I really like
This reminds me, anyone got any recs for Root/Shaw being a fucked-up, violent, four-alarm dumpster fire? Like, not even talking abuse here. Just fic that revels in them being maladjusted human disasters who enjoy shooting people just a little too much, and spend their first meeting smirking and flirting through an entirely nonconsensual torture scenario.
I mean. Canon alone gets them into so much wild-ass shit. It’d be a shame if fandom didn’t match and surpass it.
She’s so patient as Claire slowly weaves the intricate design in rope. Standing still, turning when asked, it’s a beautiful process that Claire has started to love. There’s something about seeing her doll threads of rope that makes her immensely happy. And Kaia needs it, begs for it when it’s been too long. Because amidst the scars from her dreams, Kaia wants to look down and see scars that Claire has left behind on her skin. Kaia wants to – no, needs to – know that Claire is there with her always, and the scars are the only thing she can take with her when she sleeps.
“On your knees,” Claire demands, stepping back and reaching for another spool of rope.
Kaia drops without hesitation, hands bound behind her back and head ducking in submission. “Yes, mistress.”
Oh yeah, dude. I’m always irritated by femslash not really being it’s own thing. (As I know you know.)
Have you been going through my ao3 because I’ve written three out of four of those lol. I love these ships. Anna/Ruby is great because it’s that whole opposites attract thing. Abaddon/Meg is a ton of fun to think about if you really like darker femslash. Meg/Ruby is my personal fave b/c I always headcanon that they knew about each other and probably would have been working together at some point. And Claire/anyone? Uhm, yes? Love it.
lol. Well, I’m super honored! Femslash isn’t super common, unfortunately, but there are some pretty freaking dedicated femslash shippers in the fandom so that definitely helps. If you’re interested in more, I’d suggest @bloodandcream and @mayalaen . They’re both lovely people and amazing writers and they have much more femslash out there than I do.
Well… my laptop crashed and now it’s half midnight so lets do this!! *Honestly I don’t know what this is and it’s 1AM and I’m sorry this is late. *.* Oh and Jo’s archery skills are legit mine.
Jo was sat, on a broken, plastic bench, watching Charlie arch. Grudgingly she’d been dragged along to one of Charlie’s archery lessons. And of course the lessons were outside and of course it had to be pouring down with rain as well. Jo shivered in the cold. “Come on, Jo! It’s your turn now!” Charlie called out. Jo stood up and walked up to the line, as she passed Charlie, she planted a kiss on Jo’s cheek. Jo smiled slightly and went to pick up the bow and arrow. She glanced at the target Charlie had been using, all three arrows were planted next to the bullseye. She picked up the bow and tried to slip one of the arrows onto the string. “No, that’s not what you do!” Said the instructor who had been sitting watching the girls. He had praised Charlie every time, though Jo was not as lucky. Jo moved the arrow to the side a bit, as she was prompted by the instructor. She pulled back the bowstring and let the arrow fly. It stuck itself into some mud roughly ten feet away. It was nowhere near the target. Jo picked up another arrow and slid it onto the bow string as the instructor had said. This time the arrow flew through the air in completely the wrong direction. She picked up her final arrow and it finally hit the target, though it was only on the first ring, Charlie yelled out, “WOOO! Go Jo!” Jo blushed and looked down at the mud on her boots and the instructor rolled his eyes. She walked back to the broken bench and Charlie hugged her. “Thanks for coming, I know you don’t want to be here.” Charlie whispered into Jo’s ear. “No, it’s fine.” Jo squeezed Charlie’s hand then sat back down. Jo watched as Charlie hit the bullseye three more times, the instructor constantly beaming at her. After those three arrows they had to leave as there was another lesson twenty minutes later. They walked back to the car holding hands. Jo’s hands were numb from the cold. She slid into the passenger seat, turning on air conditioner and still holding Charlie’s hand.
SPN Rare Ship CC: Round 10 | rosemoonweaver vs. @ladysimoriah Prompt: humidity Ship: Donna/Jody Word Count: 2,508 Tags/Warnings: canon verse, first kiss, bisexual Jody Mills, demisexual Donna Hanscum Summary: Jody and Donna Have a case in Florida, and Florida sucks. AO3 Link
Jody lay flat across the motel bed, spread out like a starfish. She’d stripped down to her bra and panties, not even bothering with shorts or a tank top. It was way too hot for that shit. Once Donna got out of the shower and got dressed, then she could worry about putting actual clothes on, but for now, it was more work than it was worth. Florida sucked. It was bad enough that was in the nineties, but the humidity in the air made if feel at like it was a hundred.
Donna came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped tightly around her body and one wrapped around her hair. The thick cloud of steam from her shower followed her, cranking up the heat in the room.
“Ugh,” Jody grumbled, “I hate Florida.”
“It’s not so bad,” Donna said, walking toward her bed and digging some fresh clothes out her duffle bag. “’s just a little warm.”
“And sticky. And wet. And gross,” Jody said. “Remind me again why we didn’t just make Sam and Dean do this?”
“Something about a holy week. Didn’t know they were religious, but ya learn somethin’ new every day.”
Jody smiled. Donna could be so cute sometimes. “I hardly think their annual week in Vegas counts as a holy week.”
“Oh,” Donna said, a pink tinge rising on her cheeks.
Jody chuckled to herself and averted her eyes while Donna changed. She was very self-conscious about her body, which Jody absolutely didn’t understand. Donna was beautiful, but she was always worried about losing weight or looking too frumpy. It was obviously crap to anyone who had eyes, but Donna was adamant that she could always loose a few more pounds and always got that sad look on her face about an hour after she allowed herself to have a couple donuts. Jody suspected that her dick ex Doug was to blame for that. Jody really wished she’d punched him in the face when she had the chance.
“Okay, I’m changed,” Donna announced, holding her arms out and smiling timidly as if waiting for Jody’s approval. She was wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her hair was still well and pulled back into a ponytail.
“Looks good,” Jody said, sitting up and rolling her neck, “why jeans though? You’re gonna boil out there.”
Donna shrugged. “I only brought blue jeans.”
“It’s Florida in August and you’re from South Dakota.”
“It’s just a little warm.” Donna smiled a bit, but there was a tiny little quirk around the corners of her lips that gave her away. Jody chose not to push it, though and dug through her own suitcase to find a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for the rest of the day.
~~~
In hindsight, perhaps Jody should have called one of her contacts to take care of the kelpie. The swamps were somehow ten degrees hotter than everywhere else (or at least they felt that way) and the air was so thick it was hard to breathe. Also, it smelled like rotting plants and she was pretty sure she was getting a wicked sunburn, even though Donna had made sure the applied sunscreen. And there were alligators. Kelpies were dangerous, sure, but all you had to do was not ride them. Alligators, on the other hand, could have easily flipped their tiny little boat and ripped an arm or two off if they wanted to.
“See anything yet?” Jody asked, her eyes following Donna’s gaze off towards the shore to the right.
“Just a couple o’ birds, I think,” Donna said.
Jody sighed, glancing at her watch. They’d been out for four hours at that point and the sun was still high in the sky.
“This is kinda fun, you know?” Donna said, turning to face Jody. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were red. “It reminds me of ice fishing with my dad.”
“You used to ice fish?”
“Oh, yeah, every winter. My dad and my uncle and the cousins would go up to the cabin every year and see if we could catch anything. Usually, we just went home with wet bottoms.”
“Huh. You know, ice fishing sounds a lot more fun than this right now.”
“It was nice,” Donna said. “I haven’t been since I was twelve.”
“Why not?”
Donna frowned, looking out over the glassy water under them. “Pop passed away and mom wasn’t much for fishing. Uncle Abe couldn’t look after four kids on his own.”
“I’m sorry,” Jody said.
“Thanks. It was fun while it lasted, though.”
“I used to do target practice with my mom. She was a cop, too,” Jody said, “wiped the floor with me every competed until I was fourteen. I was a horrendous shot.”
Donna laughed. “Shut your mouth! No! I can’t believe that.”
“No, it’s true. I was terrible. Of course, I was nearsighted and refused to wear my glasses under my safety goggles.”
“Did you wind up getting contacts?”
“Nah. I just changed my mind when I got into high school because Amber Studebaker said people who wore glasses were hot. I wore them all the time after that.”
“Ah. You did it to impress a girl,” Donna said, playfully punching Jody in the shoulder. “that’s cute.” She smiled then, wrinkling her nose.
Jody smiled and shrugged, despite herself. “Yeah, well. Didn’t do too much in the long run though. She wasn’t interested in me anyway.”
“Obviously she needed glasses,” Donna said, her eyes wide and lips held in a circle when she seemed to realize what she said.
Jody was just about to say something when there was a splash behind her, and Donna dove for the shotgun sitting in the bed of the boat next to her.
The kelpie never stood a chance.
~~~~
Jody and Donna wound up dragging themselves back into the motel room after dark. The kelpie itself wasn’t that hard to take down. Donna was able to wound it with several shotgun blasts so that it wasn’t charging or thrashing too much for Jody to nail it in the heart with a silver bullet. The thing exploded into a jelly after that and Jody and Donna were covered in it. They had to spend two more hours in the swamp after that, the goop drying on their skin and boy was that fun. The kelpie slime did pretty much the exact opposite of aloe vera and their skin stung and burned faster than it had earlier. Their sweat wasn’t even washing it off, and by the time they were both back on solid land and in Jody’s van they’d poured two bottles worth of water out on themselves in the hopes that it would wash off. At least they weren’t bleeding, though. Jody didn’t even want to think about what that goop would feel like in an open wound.
Donna offered Jody the shower first. Jody didn’t even try to fight her on that one. She was too hot and if she had to spend more than five more minutes with this crap on her she might wind up clawing her skin off. The water was ice cold when it hit her skin but it felt nice. She just stood under the spray for a bit, letting the heat leach off her skin before she borrowed Donna’s body wash and scrubbed the gunk off her skin.
The relief of her shower pretty much evaporated when she stepped out of the bathroom, however. It was too damn hot, again, and even though she’d dried off her skin she was dripping with sweat in the next five minutes. Donna just nodded at her before taking her turn with the shower.
Jody dressed with minimal effort, slipping on a t-shirt and underwear before throwing her towel on the bed post and leaning up against the headboard of her bed. She flipped through a few channels before settling on the local news and texting Claire and Alex to let them know she and Donna were safe and headed home, soon. She got a simple “K” from both of them before rolling her eyes and plugging her phone in. It wasn’t really like she expected the girls to give her a play-by-play of their days but it would be nice to actually talk to them more than once a week. Claire was off in Phoenix, tracking down a vamp nest with a few other hunters and Alex was in school, hopefully studying but probably not. They rarely told her what they were up to or if they got back to their motel or dorm rooms safe, no matter how many times Jody said she’d appreciate even a text at the end of the night. She trusted them, though. It was a dangerous world out there, but they could handle themselves for the most part. And, if they couldn’t Jody would kill whoever or whatever hurt her girls and no one would ever find their body.
Donna came out of the bathroom, same as she had previous, towel wrapped tightly around her body. Jody was too tired to bother rolling over, so she just shut her eyes and waved her hand at Donna. It didn’t make much sense for her to worry about whether or not Jody saw her naked. They were both friends and over the age of thirty. Jody might’ve been keeping fit over the years but she definitely had more pudge in places than she actually cared to. She wasn’t bothered by nakedness.
“Donna, can I ask you something?” Jody asked, rolling her head against the headboard. She kept her eyes closed though.
“Sure, Jodes, what’s on your mind.”
“Why are you so worried about me seeing you change clothes?”
“Oh. Uh. I’m just…” Donna’s voice trailed off as she padded around barefoot on the threadbare carpet, “I guess I’m embarrassed,” Donna said.
Jody scowled, still with her eyes closed. “Embarrassed about being naked? You know I won’t judge you or anything.”
“Yeah, well –“
“I’m serious. You could have three heads for all I care. And I know you don’t. And you’re not fat if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Donna sighed. “I know. You’ve said that several times.”
“So, what’s up?”
Donna was quiet for a minute while the bed across the room squeaked. “You can open your eyes now,” she said.
Jody opened her eyes to find Donna sitting cross-legged on the bed. She was wearing long flannel pajama pants and a tank top.
Jody scooted towards the center of her own bed, facing her. “What’s up?” She asked again.
“I – “ Donna glanced down towards the floor. “I’m just being silly.”
Jody sighed. “Donna…”
Donna withered a little more, playing with the frayed edge of her pant leg. Jody knew she was giving her the “mom look” and she kinda felt a little guilty about that, but she was curious. It wasn’t the first time Donna had done this, but it hadn’t always been this way. When they first started hunting together, she’d walked in on Donna while she was in the shower and there was nothing odd about it. She’d helped Alex patch up Donn’s hip after she got a particularly nasty scratch from a werewolf last spring. It was a sudden thing and Jody was fine with it at first, but she couldn’t help but be curious.
“You know how you said you tried to get the girl’s attention in high school? Amber Studebaker?” Donna said. Her voice was soft and barely above a whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I, uh, I never had that experience with that.”
“Oh.”
“Not that I haven’t… I just, it takes a lot for me to… find anyone attractive. And up until recently, it was just men. I didn’t know that I could… and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but it’s out there now, so…”
“Oh,” Jody said, “Is that all?”
Donna shrugged, “I know, it’s silly –“
“No, no, no! I didn’t mean it like that,” Jody said, rising to her feet and standing in front of Donna. She crouched down on the carpet, setting her hands on Donna’s knees so that she had to look her in the eyes. “I don’t think it’s silly at all.”
“No? Jody, I’m a grown woman and I’ve just now got a crush on another woman for the first time. That’s a little…”
“Normal. It’s perfectly normal.”
Donna shrugged.
“You don’t need to feel bad about it. It’s normal for you, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Donna squirmed on the bed, “even though it’s directed at you?”
Jody chuckled, “Donna, I don’t know how you don’t know this by now, but I think you’re beautiful, inside and out. You’re my best friend. And, if you’re interested in perusing this I’m willing to go at your pace.”
“What if it doesn’t work out?” Donna asked.
Jody shrugged. “Well, the last guy I went on a date with was a shapeshifter who tried to kill me so I doubt it could end any worse than that.”
Donna snorted. “You mean it?”
“Of course,” Jody said.
Donna looked down at her, a shaky little smile on her lips. “I’d like that.”
Jody leaned up, wrapping Donna in a tight hug. “Can I take you to dinner when we get back home?”
“Only if I can kiss you?”
Jody leaned down and let her lips brush against Donna’s, keeping her hands settled around Donna’s shoulders. Her fingertips brushed against the long hair on Donna’s back, which had curled into loose waves. Donna’s hands came up to rest tentatively at Jody’s hips. After a few cautious kisses, Jody coaxed Donna’s lips open with her tongue, then licked a single swipe against Donna’s tongue. Donna responded, though timidly at first, by kissing a bit more insistently and slipping her own tongue into Jody’s mouth. It didn’t take long after that for the two to guide each other forward and back for their lips and for Jody to slide her fingers through Donna’s silky hair. Donna’s hands though, stayed where they were and Jody pulled back after a bit to breathe.
“You okay?” Jody asked.
“Yeah,” Donna said, a little breathless, “can we, um, maybe take a break?”
Jody skimmed her hands down Donna’s arms, letting them on her hands. “Of course. Like, I said, we’ll go at your pace.”
Donna chuckled and jerked Jody down to sit next to her on the bed. She plopped down, and the two of them sat in the quiet of the motel room for a while as the air conditioner hummed in vain behind them.
“You know, the girls are going to freak out on us,” Donna said.
Jody chuckled. “You know, I kinda hope so.”
“You think we should tell them?”
“It would probably be fair.”
“Oh,” Donna said, “we got get them back for all the things they forgot to tell us and wait until Thanksgiving.”
“That’s mean,” Jody said, bumping her shoulder against Donna’s, “I’m so in.”
SPN Rare Ship CC: Round 8 | rosemoonweaver vs. @lux-tuli Prompt: Fuzzy Wuzzy Ship: Anna/Ruby Word Count: 1,517 Tags/Warnings: domestic, kid fic, schizophrenia, mental illness, slice of life, adoption, nightmares, anna and ruby are moms, AU – human Summary: Jesse had a bad dream. Unfortunately, that’s common these days, and Anna starts to worry. A/N: Apparently, color prompts are not my strong suit. The “color” is the teddy bear, Mr. Fuzzy. AO3 Link
Anna awoke with the vague, eerie feeling that she was being watched. She held her breath for a moment, talking in the darkness around her before shifting away from her wife and rolling her head towards the door. The hall light was still out, but there was a vague shape at the side of the bed and a tiny whimper.
Anna rolled over, flailing at the lamp on her bedside table until she was finally able to turn the light on. There, standing next to the dresser was Jesse, teddy bear clutched tight to his chest, tear stains on his cheeks.
“Oh, baby,” Anna breathed, flipping the blanket off and sitting up in bed. Beside her, Ruby grumbled awake.
“What happened? Why are you crying?” Anna asked, thumbing the tears away from his chubby little cheeks.
“Bad dream,” he whimpered, chin tucked close to his chest.
Anna wrapped him in her arms, holding him close to her chest and rocking back and forth. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry.”
“What’s going on?” Ruby asked, flipping on her own light and scooting into Anna’s space.
“Jesse had a bad dream.”
Ruby reached over her shoulder, stroking Jesse’s soft hair. The two locked eyes for a brief moment. Jesse had been having nightmares more and more often and it was starting to worry both Anna and Ruby. The adoption had only been final for about six months, and the nightmare had started at around the same time. Ruby had worried that the two might have something to do with each other, and as they kept getting worse, Anna was starting to worry the same thing. She’d thought, at first, that he might be the same way that she was as a child, experiencing night terrors and horrible vivid dreams for years before her first psychotic episode as a young adult. The thought had worried her much more than the nightmares being a result of adoption stress. Now though, she wasn’t sure which of the issues she would prefer them to be. Psychosis, as well as Anna, had managed it so far, was not fun in the slightest, but it broke her heart that the reason he was stressed might be her fault in some way.
Jesse’s therapist still hadn’t come to a decision yet. She’d said that he was a fairly happy, pleasant kid, and the nightmare were unpleasant, but she wasn’t willing to rule out stress just yet. After all, the kid had just been adopted, had a birthday, and started a new grade all in the span of a few months. That had to be enough to stress any kid out.
“You wanna sleep with mom and me?” Ruby asked.
Jesse nodded against Anna’s chest. “Mr. Fuzzy, too,” he mumbled.
“Of course. Can’t leave Mr. Fuzzy out,” Ruby said, stroking the hair on the back of his neck.
She scooted back on her side of the bed, pulling the blanket down and flicking off her bedside light. Anna pulled Jesse into her lap, not an easy feat considering he was nearly sixty pounds of sleepy, dead weight, and scooted back on the bed. Jesse climbed off her lap and shimmied onto the bed, resting his head on Ruby’s pillow. He looked up at the two of them, eyes still wet but no longer whimpering, and curled into Ruby as she lay down.
“You okay there, kiddo?”
Jesse nodded.
Anna frowned, curling around her son and stroking his back. “I love you little bug,” she said.
“Love you too, mommas.”
It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. Ruby followed soon after, and Anna didn’t get a chance to talk to her before she did. Anna lay awake for most of the night, falling into a light and fitful sleep when she actually slept.
~~~
The next morning was a weekend, so at least Anna and Ruby could sleep in a little before they had to get up and to things. Or, that was the plan at least. Jesse was determined to get up and play not later than nine in the morning, so Ruby graciously volunteered to feed him and toss a ball around with him while Anna got a little more sleep. She finally crawled out of bed a little after ten in the morning and dragged herself into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. She was halfway through her first cup when Ruby came back in through the back door, her face red already.
“He’s really making you work for it today, isn’t he?” Anna asked.
Ruby laughed, pulling two water bottles out of the fridge. “He’s getting fast.”
“How’s he doing today?”
Ruby leaned back against the fridge door, screwing the cap off the water bottle and chugging half of it. “Same as he usually is.”
Anna nodded, staring out the window. Jesse was kicking a soccer ball around in the grass, kicking it too far ahead of him and racing to get it before whatever imaginary players he was pretending to play against got it first. He kicked the ball at the fence and jumped up and down, pumping his fists in the air.
“I’m worried about him,” Anna said.
Ruby slid up beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. She set her chin on Anna’s shoulder and sighed. “Yeah, I know.”
“What if it’s our fault,” Anna said.
Ruby frowned, and Anna could see her rolling her eyes out of the corners of her own.
“Babe, we’ve been through this. Whatever’s up with Jesse isn’t because of us.”
“But if it’s stress it’s gotta be us right?”
“If it is he’d be having these issues regardless of who winded up adopting him.”
Anna sighed. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” She swirled her lukewarm coffee around in the cup.
“You’re worried it isn’t just stress, aren’t you?”
“It’s too early to tell if it’s anything more serious,” Anna said, draining the last of her cup.
“And that bothers you.”
“You know it does.”
Ruby sighed, squeezing Anna tighter around the middle. “If it is there’s not a lot we can do about it until something more happens.”
“I know,” Anna groaned. “I just wish we could do something now. I don’t like it that he’s having trouble like this. If it’s just stress and it’s only nightmares and night terror, why can’t they give him something to help him sleep?”
Ruby stroked up and down Anna’s arms, swaying back and forth softly. “I don’t know babe.”
“And if it’s more than that you’d think they’d know.”
Ruby hummed again. “You’d think.”
“I’m just worried, Ruby. I don’t want him to have to live his life needing medication. I know it helps and if he has to have it I want him to have it, don’t get me wrong, I just – I don’t want him to have to need it.”
“Yeah, but, at least he has you to help him through it if it is something more serious.”
Anna rolled her eyes. “I could barely manage myself for years. I’m not exactly a role model for managing mental illness.”
“Maybe not, but at least you understand it. If it was me before I met you, geez, I dunno. I don’t think I would’ve even known what to do about it. I’d probably say and do all the wrong things. At least you know what he’s going through. That’s gotta count for something, right?”
“Maybe.”
“And yeah, it took you a while to get a handle on it, but you’ve got it pretty much under control now.”
“After thirty years.”
“Better than sixty.”
Anna sighed again, setting her coffee cup down on the counter and turning in Ruby’s arms. “I guess.”
“Think of it this way, if it is something serious, like some kind of sign of psychosis later you have a better understanding of that then most people do. If it’s just stress it will go away and we’ll look back on this and give Jesse shit about it when he has his own kids who keep him up at night. But if it’s more than that, well, maybe there’s a reason you’re his mom.”
Anna huffed a chuckle. “Fate? Really, Ruby?”
Ruby shrugged. “I dunno. Could be. I don’t know all the secrets of the universe.”
Anna shook her head and kissed her wife on the forehead.
“I just know,” Ruby said, “that if anyone is cut out to be the best mom for Jesse, it’s you.”
“I dunno, I’d say there’s definitely one other person who might be up there, too.”
Ruby rolled her eyes and smiled. “Yeah, well, someone’s gotta teach the kid to kick a ball.”
They pulled away and Ruby chugged the rest of her water before tossing the empty bottle in the trash and swiping the still unopened bottle off the counter. “Speaking of which,” she pointed towards the back door.
Anna watched her go, smiling as she watched her wife and child play. Hopefully, the nightmares would fade over time, but if they didn’t, well, she and Ruby would be there for their son, no matter what.
SPN Rare Ship CC: Round 8 | rosemoonweaver vs. @mariaghost Prompt: Jelly Bean Ship: Meg/Abaddon Word Count: 1,610 Tags/Warnings: AU – human, 1920′s (ish?), burlesque dancers, burlesque dancer!Abaddon, nudity, mild sexual content, open relationships, love notes (more like lust notes honestly), lipstick kink (if that’s a thing) A/N: The prompt is the color of Meg’s lipstick. I didn’t name it, but the color can be found over here. Summary: There’s a note on Abaddon’s vanity. AO3 Link
There was a note on her vanity.
Abaddon was no stranger to love notes. She got them at least three times a week. So many lonely men would try to sneak her letters, whether they slid them to the server girls or tried to sneak backstage to leave them for her to find, or even slipped them into her bodice when she walked the floor, but very few of them actually succeeded in catching her attention. Most of the time she checked the names at the bottom first. If it was someone important, a senator or a businessman, or a bootlegger, she’d respond with a little light flirting. If it was a name she didn’t recognize, it went in the trash. Most of them were the same. They’d compare her to the moon, to the sun, drown in the dark pools of her eyes, and beg to lose themselves in her legs. Most of them were written on the same kind of paper, too, all place white and black in. There was so little imagination to any of them.
This one, however, was different. For one, it was on her vanity. No man had ever managed to get backstage unless of course they were invited, and Abaddon hadn’t invited anyone back in at least a week. None of the other girls had, either, to her knowledge. This note was also in an actual envelope sealed with wax.
Abaddon pulled her silk robe tighter around her shoulders, popping the wax off the envelope with her nail. The note had been written on light pink paper.
Temptress:
I’m not one for poetry, but you’ve spurred me to put ink to paper.
You’re wicked, igniting me to my core, burning me from the inside out, and I can’t be bothered to care.
The way you bat your eyes, the way you flaunt your soft curves; I just can’t help myself.
I haven’t known the touch of a woman in years and yet – you make me ache.
I have to wonder if you’re soft all the time or if you bite and rake your nails down the backs of those fortunate to lie with you.
I wonder, do your thighs tremble when you’re breathless in pleasure like mine do when I dare to pretend the one touching me is you?
It was signed with a single letter, an M in hasty, jagged script.
Abaddon blinked a few times before folding the note back up and slipping it back into its envelope. It was certainly one of the more explicit notes she’d ever gotten. Not that she minded, though. She’d take explicit over the flowery notes any day of the week. The M was new, though. She thought back to the men she knew who frequented the club, even the ones that usually paid attention to the other girls. She drew a blank but resolved to take the note home with her.
~~~~
I saw your fan dance.
It’s funny, that you’re up on stage flutter those glittery fans, your breasts peeking from behind those feathery curtains like you’re some kind of angel but I know better.
You’re wicked; some kind of demon sent to drag me to hell.
I would go willingly because even the fires of damnation couldn’t scorch me the way your gaze does.
Even Hell might be some kind of Heaven if I got the chance to taste the sweat on your skin or the nectar between your thighs.
– M
It was the second note Abaddon had gotten in less than a week. Apparently, this M was a new admirer of hers, but she hadn’t seen anyone new in the crowd the past few nights. Perhaps it was a shy man who’d only now got the courage to leave her messages. That was fine, too, but she wished she knew who it was. If it was someone who’d bribed their way back here it was fine, but it was someone who’d snuck back that could be dangerous. She decided she’d wait a week to tell the manager, Alistair. If he thought it was something to worry about, then she’d keep an eye out, but as the notes were only lustful and didn’t demand any kind of meeting yet, she didn’t figure it would be an issue.
She slipped the note into her purse and decided to take it back home and keep it with the other one.
~~~~
Alistair had placed an additional bouncer at the entrance to the dressing rooms, so whoever left the note by Abaddon’s flower vase must have been paying. This was the fourth note in as many weeks, written on the same paper, signed with the same initial. She’d have to ask the bouncer who he’d let pass because she was starting to get curious about this mysterious admirer of hers.
I wonder if you’ve been keeping these notes. You must get so many day-to-day that it isn’t even of consequence to you. I might be as easily overlooked here as I am among the crowd. But you’re not. You could never be. How no one has snatched you up and away from this world, from my eyes, is a wonder to me.
Perhaps you aren’t interested in their affections? Perhaps they could never please you the way you’d want? I wonder if you’ve ever know the touch of a woman?
– M
Abaddon smiled, reading the note over again. So, this mystery man wasn’t actually a man at all. This could be interesting. She hadn’t taken a female lover in quite some time, but she wasn’t opposed.
Abaddon tucked her admirer’s note into her purse and set out to write her own note, asking her admirer to meet sometime within the next week. She slipped the note under the flower vase and hoped for the best. It stayed there for there more days and then it was gone.
~~~~
Abaddon hadn’t gotten another note in a week and a half. It was a little disappointing if she were honest. It was intriguing to have another woman interested in her instead of yet another man. Perhaps her offer to meet had scared her admirer off. Some women liked to entertain the thought of a female lover but were too afraid to make the leap. It was alright, though, Abaddon had been there herself, once upon a time. She did hope it would change for her admirer, though. It would be a shame if she didn’t allow herself to explore because she was afraid.
There was a soft knock at Abaddon’s dressing room door. Her set was over, so it was probably just one of the girls.
“Come in,” she called, watching the door through the mirror. It swung open, and Abaddon locked eyes with a woman she’d never seen before through the mirror. “Can I help you?” She asked.
“You requested a meeting,” the woman said.
“Did I?”
“Your note was addressed to me, I believe.”
Abaddon swung around on her stool, crossing her ankles and leaning her legs to the side, letting her knee fall out of the open slit of her robe. “You must be M, then.”
“Meg. Masters. But you can call me Meg.”
“The bootlegger’s wife?”
“He knows I’m here,” Meg said, slipping into the room and shutting the door behind her. She was wearing a fur around her shoulders, but other than that her outfit attracted no attention. She wasn’t even wearing make-up aside from the nude pink lipstick on her lips.
“If he wanted to proposition me he could have done it himself.”
“Oh, believe me, he would have.” Meg was now standing less than a foot away and Abaddon allowed her gaze to fall down Meg’s form. The dress she wore didn’t hint at any of the curves of her body. “I’m here on my own account.”
“Oh?”
Meg hummed, stepping into Abaddon’s space. “I was wondering if you’d accompany me for the evening. My husband has business to attend to, so I’ll be alone the whole night.”
Abaddon smirked. Meg’s perfume wafted off her skin. It was a soft, spicy scent like cloves and sugar. “I don’t usually keep housewives company.”
Meg laughed. “I’m not looking for a lot more than company.”
“You’re looking for… what exactly?” Abaddon asked. She knew good and well what Meg was interested in but she wanted to hear her say it. She wasn’t one to be propositioned in vague terms.
“Sex,” Meg said, slipping her hand up Abaddon’s knee, stopping midway up her thigh.
“Is it going to be worth my while?” Abaddon asked.
Meg smirked, her eyes lingering at the top of Abaddon’s robe and the hint of cleavage there. “Definitely.”
~~~~
It had been three weeks since Meg took her back to the home she shared with her husband; three weeks since they writhed together on Meg’s silk sheets hands tugging in hair and tongues laving against skin. It had been some of the best sex Abaddon had had in a long time. It had been a shame it had come to an end so soon.
There was a note on Abaddon’s vanity. She smiled to herself, pulling it out of its envelope.
I’d love to see you again.
I’ll be around after midnight if you’ll wait for me.
– Meg
PS. There’s a tube of my lipstick on the vanity. It looked so good smeared across your neck last time. I think it’d look lovely smeared across my thighs.
Abaddon chuckled to herself, finding the golden tube of lipstick in front of her mirror. She wiped off her own dark red lipstick and pulled off the cap, applying the nude pink color to her lips.
“Oh, no,” she said, quelling the expression and donning her best customer-service smile. “I hadn’t heard that.”
“Sorry, I thought I’d told you,” said Lilith. God, Meg hated doing business with this woman, but money was money. “Your services will no longer required; the Ruby Consortium put in a highly competitive bid.”
‘Ruby Consortium’ my ass, God, what kind of arrogant cunt names a business after herself and claims it’s a fricken Consortium?
Ruby. Of course.
“According to Paragraph 3, Subsection 2.4a of our contract, you are required to inform Masters, Inc., if we are outbid, allow us to view the bid, and give us time to prepare a counter offer,” said Meg smoothly.
I mean, if her name was Masters, that’d be different. But who’d buy from ‘Meg, Inc.’ No one, right? Except maybe the same douche bags who are happy to buy from ‘the Ruby Consortium.’
“You just happened to have that part of the contract memorized?” said Lilith sourly. Meg nodded.
Just happened to get warning yesterday evening that you had this up your sleeve.
I won’t lose to anyone.
Least of all Ruby.
Lilith sighed. “Fine. Speak to my secretary about a copy of the proposed bid, and you’re welcome to try to convince me. 24 hours, Meg.”
Recognizing the dismissal, Meg ducked her head politely, rose, and left Lilith’s office. Brief conversation with the secretary secured a copy of Ruby’s bid – utterly unnecessary, Meg already had a copy, but she didn’t want Lilith to know that – and she’d stayed up most of the previous night preparing her counter-offer.
Ruby thought she had Meg beat.
Ruby really oughta know better.
****
“You…you…you whore!” fumed Ruby, storming into Meg’s office. Allowing herself a cold smile, Meg looked up. God, she loved how passionate Ruby got when she was pissed about something, when her normally perfect features twisted with emotion and her usually sleek hair made a disheveled halo about her head.
“Must I remind you that the non-disclosure agreement you signed regarding my college profession is still in place?” Meg said mildly. Staying calm in the face of Ruby’s anger only made her more pissed, her skin flushing red, her eyes gleaming.
“There’s no one else to hear,” snapped Ruby, stomping across the room and hopping to sit on Meg’s desk, ignoring the papers she scrunched as she did. “Just like there was no definitely no one to hear about the deal I struck with Lilith!”
“I suppose the walls have ears.” Meg folded her hands on the table and looked up at Ruby, offering her a glib smile. For a wonder, steam didn’t pour out of Ruby’s ears.
“Where’d you hide it?” Ruby demanded ominously.
“Uh uh uh,” said Meg, waggling a finger before Ruby’s nose. Ruby nipped at her, but Meg didn’t flinch. “That’s not how this game’s played. Say it.”
“No!” said Ruby, pouting.
“Ruby…”
“You cheated, Meg!”
“What, and you’ve never cheated?” Meg scoffed. “I remember the stunt you pulled with my fax machine.”
“Oh, yeah.” Ruby broke into a grin. “That was a classic.”
“Say it!”
“Fine,” Ruby sighed and rolled her eyes. “You win this round.”
“Good,” said Meg. With a decisive nod, she rose and walked across her office, straightening her business suit. “I think the pink dildo. And the vibrator for you, the crotch of the strap on should hold it in. And I expect you to behave.”
“Or what, you’ll spank me?” taunted Ruby, rising and following her, moving with cat-like grace.
She’s gotten too confident by half.
“Oh, I can do far worse than that,” Meg promised. Ruby met her eyes, some of her confidence ebbing away, though Meg only recognized the change thanks to intimate experience over the course of years – a slight quiver of Ruby’s shoulders, a widening in her eyes, small signs of how affected she was.
“I look forward to you trying,” Ruby replied, a sultry promise in her voice.
This was, by far, the most enjoyable business rivalry Meg had ever had.
“In my bedroom. On your knees. Naked. Blind-folded. Wearing the strap on. Five minutes, Ruby. Go!”
And Ruby went.
And Meg smiled.
Damn did we play Lilith well. Not that that was Ruby’s intention, but it sure worked out. How did Lilith not know we’re married?
Well, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
But it will hurt Ruby.
And we’ll both love every minutes of it.
“Four minutes left!” Meg shouted, loosening her tie and starting toward the bedroom.
There was a squeak and a clatter, and Meg’s smile widened.
Maybe during the scene today I can convince her to finally change that damn business name…
“What’s your safe word, Ruby?” she called, kicking off her heels.
“Consortium!” Ruby shouted back.
…or not…
…oh well. Next time…
…unless I lose next time.
That’s always fun too.
A minute early, Meg stepped into her bedroom.
Ruby was ready, breasts rising and falling with each calm breath.
God I love her.
“We’re going to have so much fun today,” said Meg.
“Yes, mistress!”
So, so much.
“That bid was very poorly constructed,” Meg said, running a finger over Ruby’s chin. “You’ll never beat me that way.”
“Beat me, mistress,” breathed Ruby. Meg’s breath caught, heat pooling between her legs.
Oh, she was going to beat Ruby alright. And ride her, and press the vibrator against her clit, and lick up every delicious drop she leaked, and if Ruby came?
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