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I had a Mafia AU idea today while I was driving to the movies.  Driving, man.  Always puts new ideas in my head.

Cain is the head of a big crime organization and Dean is his kept boy.  And everyone is scared shitless of Cain, but Dean adores him.  Not just because Cain found him at his lowest point in life and gave him everything he could ever want, but because Cain truly treats him well, and Dean loves him.  And Cain loves Dean too, which is why he’s in constant danger.  So Cain hires Castiel, who is known as one of the most ruthless assassins in Cain’s organization, as Dean’s bodyguard.  

Castiel is mostly silent, and completely professional.  Dean is always teasing him, trying to get him to crack a smile, or loosen up.  But he never does.  Dean likes him anyway.  H tells people Castiel is his friend, which no one believes because who the fuck would want to be friends with such a terrifying psychopath.

All that danger comes to a head when someone lower on the power rung within Cain’s organization decides they want to take over for themselves.  Cain is killed, and the new leader wants to destroy anyone who was loyal to him, including Dean.  

But Dean isn’t the spoiled and useless sex toy everyone thinks he is.  He grew up on the streets, a scrappy little fucker.  And he doesn’t spend all his time lounging around eating bon bons and waiting for Cain to fuck him as most people believe.  He’s been training with Castiel and honing his fighting skills.  And it’s the only thing that keeps him alive.  Because the assassins came for Cain while he was in bed with Dean, and Dean manages to escape.

In the chaos Castiel snatches him, and helps him get out of the building, and they have to be on the run.  Dean wants to know why Castiel is helping him, since the other contracted killers working for Cain all turned on him.  But Castiel’s loyalty isn’t bought, it’s earned, and Dean is His Charge™.

Anywho, Castiel is there to protect Dean and to comfort him as he mourns Cain.  He helps Dean go into hiding, and they decide to settle down as a fake married couple (hell yeah, I fit fake relationship into this story, duh lol).  They move close to Sam who has been kept secret from everyone as part of Cain’s contract with Dean, so he’s safe but Dean wants to keep an eye on him just in case.  And they basically have to learn to live like a normal suburban gay couple, something neither of them have any experience with.  Castiel has been in the mafia his whole life, and started killing when he hit puberty.  Dean was a homeless orphan who supported himself and Sammy by stealing and hooking.  And neither one of them knows how to play house.

Domestic hijinks ensue including nearly burning the house twice as they try to learn how to cook, Dean stopping Castiel from pulling a gun every time their nosy neighbor tries to talk to him over the hedge, having to bury the body of a hitman in their back yard and telling the neighbors they’re digging up a plot to plant a garden, actually trying to plant a garden, barbecue parties, adopting a puppy, and oh yeah, falling in love along the way despite the fact that Castiel is weird about emotions and Dean’s heart is still on the mend.

Every time another hitman finds them, they manage to protect themselves, but the mafia dude who took over from Cain decides to send a large force.  Which turns into a huge pile of bodies in their backyard, and finally Dean’s like siiiiigh, maybe we should go to the FBI and spill our guts.

So they do, and they end up bringing down what’s left of Cain’s legacy.  And then with their shiny new immunity granted by the government, they live happily ever after.

The veggies from their garden are SPECTACULAR.

@rosemoonweaver 😁

omfg I love every bit of this.