Tag: conversations

@bendoverandbiteyourgag replied to your post

Dean’s first experience with another guy would probably go one of two ways I think, either teenage shameless flirting with a hot football jock and hurried handjobs/blowjobs in the janitors closet and a pat on the ass and maybe they do it a few times and the whole school knows and no one can blame them for it jesus they’re both so hot its not fair, or the second option is repressing shit and sidelong glances and lots of confusion until …

… he’s alone at a bar for the first time and someone puts their hands on his hips while he’s trying to hustle them at playing pool and the heavy heat, the solidity, the gruff voice and all that just Do Something and Dean ends up getting blown in the alley behind the bar. I mean, I’m sure there’s more options in there somewhere

See, I’m really into teenage Dean being super shy until he and the football jock get into the janitor’s closet, but that’s just me. BUT I’m also really into the second scenario. That just kills me. 

@maliciouslycreative replied to your post

1) you are amazing 2) legit I am so impressed by how much you post. I am always like “I wish I had Rose’ s work ethic because then I would actually get something done 3) it brightens my day every time you post something 4) didn’t you tell me like 2 weeks ago that I was being ridiculous when I had this exact same mentality??? 5) *hugs* 6) ������

Thank you. *hugs*. I know I’m being ridiculous. But it’s a  lot easier to tell your friends they’re being too hard on themselves than it is to realize you’re being too hard on yourself.  

@samanddeaninpanties
True. There’s a huge difference between self critique and self deprecation. Wanting to improve is fine, beating yourself up is not fine. But especially when it’s over stuff that it’s not that critical.

Other that “it’s all in your head” and “thinking about suicide is selfish – other people have it worse than you do” no one has ever been as blunt to me as my own negative thoughts are. It’s all implied things and conditioned responses. But, you’d be right, honestly. Like, not to be a downer, but there are times I remember shit people have done and said to me and I realize my positive role models and relationships have been few and far between. No one ever told me “you’re not good enough” but as they say, actions speak louder than words.

@unforth-ninawaters
Well, if you can’t rant on your personal blog what’s it for, right? But I get what you mean. I still feel like I wanna help, ‘cause that’s the kind of person I am. But I’ll kerp in mind there isn’t anything I can do to “fix it”. I’ll just support you with likes and internet hugs.

And thank you. Maybe I should start telling myself that an a daily basis until I believe it or at least remember it.

@unforth-ninawaters
*hugs*
I really hate that you’re going through the same thing. It’s such a pain in the ass.
I’ve read a few of your posts, too, over the past little bit. I wanted to say something to help you feel a little better, but I don’t have any thing that can make it easier (obviously, given my issues, too). I just hope you can allow yourself to take a breather and have some fun with writing. It’s no fun if it’s all too stressful.

@samanddeaninpanties
I know. Like, obviously it’s bullshit and I could just not post fricken anything for 20 years and it would be totally fine. Logically, I know I’m not a disappointment, it’s just that stupid persistent nagging that’s there. I thought being more productive might help but nah. It’s not a productivity problem, it’s a thoughts problem.

I’m a little torn between continuing to try to meet my goal for the end of the month or purposefully refusing to meet it. On one hand, if I try I can at least have that for peace of mind, but if I choose not to play into my own weird productivity thing, I won’t have missed the goal because I said screw it. There are literally no consequences, of course, but brains are dumb.