samanddeaninpanties replied to your post “samanddeaninpanties replied to your post “Man, why do people always…”
I would like to point out that one can look at things realistically and STILL be dealing with it like an adult. I don’t think it’s fair to deem one way as treating the situation like an adult and another way isn’t. It’s more about the individual situation for me. Unprompted anons? That’s for sure not behaving in adult manner. That’s dragging someone down. I’m with you there. But there is nothing wrong with managing expectations, imo.
I guess I’m also speaking from a place where I’m personalizing this a little. I’m not always positive in my fandom stuff. I’m not always thinking best case scenario. Sometimes I get a little negative. And I would rather not get lumped in with the people who “need to deal with it like an adult.”
So I wasn’t clear when I said that I think it’s more important that people deal with disappointment like an adult. I didn’t mean that managing expectation isn’t dealing with it like an adult. I didn’t really elaborate on it, but to me, dealing with disappointment like an adult means you don’t throw a fit and take it out on everyone when things don’t go your way. Being upset, leaving a fanbase that no longer makes you happy, venting – those are all dealing with it like an adult. Screaming at people, threatening people, being a giant jackass – those are not dealing with it like an adult. What I meant when I said I thought dealing with disappointment was more important than being “realistic” was that I think it’s more important that people handle being upset with maturity than it is that they expect certain things. Like, the way I see it, we can always be wrong or shortsighted but I think it’s more important to know how to handle when things don’t go your way than it is to have no expectations or more realistic expectations. And having high expectations isn’t more mature, either. Does that make sense? Because I’m not saying being actually realistic about stuff is immature. Being slightly cynical or skeptical about things isn’t always a bad thing.
What I was talking about specifically in my post was when people go to positive bloggers completely unprompted, either on anon or on their positive posts and go “But what about X” when the blogger has stated several times they’re not interested in talking about X.That… doesn’t help anyone, imo.
To me, there’s “realistically managing expectations” and then there’s realistically managing expectations. I think a lot of times being realistic is made to be the enemy of positivity even though I don’t agree that it is. “Realistically managing expectations” (with air quotes) is when you get so stuck in the negatives and convince yourself that the only possible outcomes are ones you’re not happy about – which is kind of the exact opposite of when you’re so convinced it can only go the way you’d be happy with that you won’t consider the alternative. It’s being so wrapped up in it that when people say “hey, sure, it could happen but I’m not interested in thinking about that right now, I’m interested in having fun” you try to convince them they’re not being “realistic” and need to adopt your PoV and quit having fun (which I’ve been on the receiving end of). Realistically managing expectations (sans air quotes) is when you would like ABC to happen and you might think it could because of some evidence you have, but you know DEF could also happen and you’re willing to accept that as a possibility as well. It’s also thinking that ABC could be neat but there’s no evidence for it and DEF is the way things are more likely to go, even if you don’t like DEF.
I’m using air quotes for “realistic” for a reason. I’m not talking about people who understand that anything could happen in a series or are coming to conclusions based off what they see and understand. I’m not talking about having a healthy dose of skepticism. I’m talking about the kind of people who suck enjoyment out of things. Actual realism is a good thing. Being so negative that you feel the need to bring down everyone else or not even let yourself consider fun stuff even in fandom, probably isn’t. I’ve seen a lot of people push their negativity off on others under the guise of “realism” and that’s what I’m complaining about.
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