Tag: aro!dean
ok im sorry for my ignorance, but I just wanna ask. I understand aro people relating to dean, and i think that’s awesome, and i understand that dean can be aro and bisexual. But I don’t understand how Dean can be aro and love someone – I guess I don’t understand aromantic attraction. I just personally headcanon dean as a very loving person, but him being aro would make so much sense!! Idk – how can he love people, and still be aro, if at all? THANK <3
thank u for being so kind, anon. u r approaching this subject as someone who wants to learn, and i’m sure aromantic people would really appreciate that.
as for your question, dean being aro doesn’t mean he can’t love people. aromantic people don’t experience romantic attraction, and that can mean a variety of things, but the simplest definition is that they don’t “fall in love.” the way i like to imagine it is the difference between how i feel when i have a crush on someone and how i feel about my best friend rachel. there’s nobody outside of my family that i love as fiercely as rachel, but i am not IN love with her. and my love for her almost feels MORE intense by NOT being romantic, so it’s not like romantic love is somehow “better” than any other type. but anyway, aromantic people can still love in tons of different ways (and just as deeply as an alloromantic person), but they simply don’t experience romantic love.
as for dean, i believe he’s aromantic AND an extremely loving person. to me, it seems like dean only really has one setting for love: you’re either family or you’re not. there are different intensities of that–compare how he treats cas to how he treats charlie or kevin or jody, and compare how he treats sam to how he treats literally anyone else, i could go on but the point is that dean thinks of friends as family, he thinks of family as family, he thinks of pseudo families (lisa and ben) as family, but he doesn’t put them all on equal playing field. his love for everyone is different while still staying under the umbrella of family. if u look at his relationships with individual characters, u realize how deeply and uniquely dean loves each person in his life. dean, to me, is so far beyond romantic love that he would probably think “falling in love” is superficial. he loves with purpose, fiercely, with all of his being–there is no “falling” about it.
Please explain to me what Dean had with Cassie and Lisa if he is supposedly aro? I am not trying to be argumentative – I just want to understand what you mean and how you see his relationships with these women. Thanx
Dean being aro is just an headcanon, but I personally think that it fits well with canon. I am not mad at you for your message, don’t worry 🙂
Being aromantic means that you don’t feel romantic attraction. Attraction and behaviour are two different things: you can not feel romantic attraction and be in a romantic relationship, because not feeling that particular kind of attraction does not prevent you from enjoying kissing or dating or sex (btw, sexual orientation has nothing to do with being aromantic, which is a romantic orientation) or any other thing featuring a romantic relationship. According to me you just have to be honest with your partner about the fact that you don’t love them romantically, just in case they are not okay with that and/or there are some things that you don’t want from you relationship with them.
As for the way I view those two relationships… I can totally see aro!Dean in both cases, honestly.
With Cassie, from an aro Dean point of view it looked like Dean did care about her, but it was more of a sexual relationship than a romantic one. I didn’t see a difference between the way he acted with her and the way he acted with Charlie, nothing said that he was romantically involved except kisses (that don’t mean there was romantic attraction, anyway, just a romantic relationship). He did care about her, but he didn’t act like someone who was in love.
As for Lisa, again, I don’t see how Dean’s feelings about her are necessarly romantic. Dean wasn’t okay with that life, he wasn’t happy, always grieving Sam, especially at first. It was like he was just pretending, acting the way he was supposed to. He did try, but it looked a lot like a not-so-working relationship between a romantic and an aromantic person (as I have seen people describing them and as I have experienced them).
He never said “I love you” to neither Lisa nor Cassie and generally he doesn’t say it at all. My headcanon on this is that “I love you” is generally considered a romantic phrase, that can be used also platonically, of course, but generally media and society percieve it as romantic (English is ambigous here, in italian we have a platonic “I love you” and a romantic “I love you”). I think that Dean doesn’t love in that way, and he does realise that his love for Castiel is of the same kind he feels for Lisa, just minus sexual attraction. So he doesn’t say “I love you”, because it feels like he’s lying.
When someone is important for Dean, he immediately throws them under the “family” umbrella: Jo and Ellen? Family. Cas? Family. Lisa and Ben? Family.
Everyone is family, because no love is romantic for Dean.
Plus, Dean’s most loved person is Sam, his brother, a platonic bond. There are many researches that show that people who feel romantic attraction (also because of society) usually put their “significant other” above any other bond. With them, they build a new family that comes before friends and other platonic bonds.
For Dean, there’s Sam first. He dumps every romantic bond for being with his brother. When he looks at his future, he sees his family – his friends and brother -, not him settled with a girl. He tried that when he had only Lisa to turn to, and it didn’t work out, he wasn’t fit for that. Dean isn’t looking for a romantic relationship and had like two or three in his whole life, and he is perfectly okay with that. When Bobby tried to justify not telling him that Sam was alive because Dean finally had what he wanted (with Lisa and Ben), Dean said that he wanted his brother.
Dean has a big heart and loves deeply – I just think it’s not in a romantic way.
(Since I am afraid I haven’t expressed myself to well, here you can find some FAQ about aromanticism, here, here and here you can find discussions about aromantics in a romantic relationship)
Dean Winchester who always believed “love” was synonymous with “dedication” and strong bonds.
Dean Winchester who never understood why anyone would want the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling when dating. Why would you date someone who made you feel like you were gonna hurl?
Dean Winchester who always felt an uncomfortable pressure when on dates and would rather hang out in a bar than go to a fancy resturant.
Dean Winchester who is fine with cuddling for about five minutes but needs some freaking space when he’s trying to sleep.
Dean Winchester who loves hugs and kisses and sex but want to crawl right out of his skin if he’s told to keep eye contact while doing those things.
Dean Winchester who proves his love via dedication and sacrifice and doing things for them rather than using flowery language that always rings false to his ears.
Dean Winchester who loves fiercely and in his own way, regardless of the fact that he doesn’t do romantic love.
Just Aromantic Dean Winchester 💚🖤💚🖤
Umm, you said you want to talk about around dean, but what about demiromantic dean? What about Dean thinking he’s aro, and discovering that he doesn’t mind not having lots of sex with Cas, who’s Demisexual? Like… For once in his life, he actually enjoys cuddles, and want a private dinner with Cas, and just small kisses and hugs and making coffee to each other? (I’m probably getting things wrong, but I want them to be happy…:( )
Oh, no, you’re not getting it wrong! (At least to my knowledge.) As I understand it, demiromantic people don’t develop romantic attraction until they form a close emotional bond with someone, and honestly, I can absolutely see Dean being demiromantic. I like the headcanon, personally, and I can definitely see how it would work. After so many years of knowing Cas and getting friendly with him, Dean might start to develop feelings he doesn’t completely understand. I like it!
But, just to throw this out there, aromantic people can be in “romantic” relationships, and they can be very happy and love their partners, it’s just not romantic love. They can still be happy, it’s just a different kind of love and a different kind of expression.
Madd, I gotta ask. No offense to aro people but how can you ship Destiel with aro!Dean? Isn’t the definition of aromantic that you aren’t in a romantic relationship? No hate here, just legit confused.
nope, being aro just means you don’t experience romantic attraction. it doesn’t mean you can’t be in a relationship. it’s like how asexual people don’t experience sexual attraction, but we can still have (and enjoy) sex.
i personally think of dean as someone who only knows how to love in one way – with his whole heart. i imagine that the intensity with which he loves makes it difficult for him to parse out differences in relationships. he’s intense about sam, intense about cas, intense about his friends, his mom, etc. distinguishing one type of love/relationship as different than the others would probably make him feel like he’s not giving his all to everybody he loves, like he loves certain people less than others instead of just differently.
and i’m not saying this is THE definition of aromanticism, i’m just explaining how i see it in dean.
this is me!!!! this is the thing i am!!!! I’m dean in this post!!!!
I come across a lot of posts about bi dean and het sam so, as someone who’s ace, it’s nice to see aro/ace headcanons. Personally, I see Sam as demisexual and demi(possibly pan)romantic. Either way, I definitely think he has a difficult time with the whole sex and romance thing. As for Dean, I’d never really thought about him being aro, but it kind of makes sense, especially with what we’ve seen on the show. Anyhow… thanks for this. It means a lot.
You’re very welcome, friend. 🙂
I do have to admit, my aro headcanons are a bit self-serving. I’m aro so I like to show some of my favorites as aro in fics and headcanons. (Partly because people tend to understand concepts better in fiction so if they see Dean or Sam or Cas as aro or ace or on the a-spectrum(s), they’ll understand it better.) So yeah, ace and aro headcanons and representations of characters are important to me. 🙂
I tend to see Sam as pansexual demiromantic, but demisexual demiromantic or demisexual panromantic totally works for me, too. I would definitely agree he has issues with sex and romance, though. And I think that can be born out in canon as well because he’s kind of apathetic about sex and romance. Like, as much as people seem to see Sam as straight, I kind of don’t. I don’t see him really caring about the gender of his partners. It kinda feels like a default assumption to me, to be honest. He just isn’t that comfortable with romantic advances and he’s not nearly as anxious to sleep with people as Dean is. So, yeah. Sam, in my mind, is definitely on the a-spectrum.
I’m glad you like to see these headcanons, though. And I’m always up for talking about them at any time. 🙂
I kinda want deancasjimmy with aro!dean and ace!cas, so while cas doesn’t much like to participate when dean and jimmy decide to go another round, he’s perfectly happy to join in afterwards for cuddles
And dean’s not a big fan of cas and jimmy’s soft kisses and touches, so when they get in those moods he’ll go cook everyone some cheeseburgers for when they’re done
And they all love each other a little bit differently but that’s ok cuz they still love each other and it works just fine for them ❤️
@rosemoonweaver here you go!
Dean Winchester who always believed “love” was synonymous with “dedication” and strong bonds.
Dean Winchester who never understood why anyone would want the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling when dating. Why would you date someone who made you feel like you were gonna hurl?
Dean Winchester who always felt an uncomfortable pressure when on dates and would rather hang out in a bar than go to a fancy resturant.
Dean Winchester who is fine with cuddling for about five minutes but needs some freaking space when he’s trying to sleep.
Dean Winchester who loves hugs and kisses and sex but want to crawl right out of his skin if he’s told to keep eye contact while doing those things.
Dean Winchester who proves his love via dedication and sacrifice and doing things for them rather than using flowery language that always rings false to his ears.
Dean Winchester who loves fiercely and in his own way, regardless of the fact that he doesn’t do romantic love.
Just Aromantic Dean Winchester 💚🖤💚🖤
You can always talk to me about aro!Dean, jsyk.
Clearly the lack of interest y’all seem to have means I need to get more obnoxious about this particular headcanon.
I have a wincestiel headcanon where Dean is aro and always leaves Sam and Cas to their date-nights (they’re both total saps and he loves them but he just doesn’t want anything to do with that), and Sam and Cas felt weird about it at first until they realized Dean really just doesn’t feel that kind of attraction. So they get super sappy with each other, and then show their love for Dean in other ways (like pie and blowjobs in the kitchen and letting him show them how to work on the Impala).
There’s also this whole thing with sleeping arrangements, like they have one room with a big king-sized bed for when they’re all together at once, but they still keep separate rooms in case someone (usually Dean) wants to sleep alone.
Yes! Good!
This is Not a Blog 