Category: Uncategorized

rosemoonweaver:

A Reylo Selkie AU

Rating: Explicit
Tags and Warnings: Rape/Non-con Elements, (See Author’s Notes, )Alternate Universe – Modern Setting, Alternate Universe – Fantasy, Folklore, Selkies,Violence, Slavery (basically), Mythical Beings & Creatures, Nudity, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Summary: 

After the death of her mother, Rey and her father packed up and moved away from the island she was born on to spend the rest of their days in the unforgiving desert. She’d spent fourteen years in the sand and the heat, longing for home and the ocean that sang to her every night when she closed her eyes.
But with the death of her father, Rey was given the opportunity to move home again. She’d known it wouldn’t be the same, but she hadn’t expected it to be so… strange. There’s something different in the air now, something haunting that lingers in the air and plagues her dreams. But what does it mean for her, for the island, and for the mysterious man she almost remembers?

Start from the Prologue Or read Chapter Four now! 

Spotify Playlist! (Best on Shuffle) 

Keep reading

Kermit/Miss Piggy

Kermit/Miss Piggy is totes evul because….

  • Piggy verbally harasses Kermit like all the time. Nothing he ever does is good enough for her. She’s terrible. 
  • He broke up with her so obviously there’s no hope of saving that relationship. Don’t ship muppets who’ve broken up!
  • Does Miss Piggy even have a name? Why does she go by Miss when she and Kermit have been together for how many years? Is she afraid of commitment!?
  • Their color schemes don’t go together. 
  • Piggy wants to hog all of Kermit’s attention and that’s not healthy at all. 

Eeeevul rating: Green Eggs and Ham/10

Send me a ship and I’ll be facetious about why it’s totes evul!

OK but? Here is your Finnreylo is pure and good and did nothing wrong ever and is not at all Totes Evul?????? CHALLENGE.

Well played, anon. 

Finnreylo is good and awesome and never did anything wrong because…..

  • It just is. End of story. Everyone go home. 

Sugar and Gumdrops rating: 100000/10

No but for real, let’s see how stupidly uwu exaggerated I can make this…

  • If it weren’t for Kylo, Finn and Rey would’ve never met. He’s a great matchmaker for his girlfriend and boyfriend. 
  • Kylo definitely considers throwing angry eyes and being all intimidating at someone a form of flirting, so really, he was not only flirting with Finn on Jakku but also on Starkiller. 
  • Finn is a huge hugger so she’s great for both of them (lord knows all of them need like 3 years straight worth of hugs). 
  • Finn and Rey canonically tag teamed Kylo. 😉 
  • Rey and Finn are great partners who were there for Kylo right after his father died. (Is that joke too low? I feel like it might be.) 
  • They’d be super freaking cute together. 

Gumpdrops rating: It’s just us now/10

Abaddean, Dreamhunter, Samwitch, peanutbutter and jelly, Hando (Han/lando?), Luke/Dramatic Clothing

So many ships omg. lol

Abaddean is totes evul because….

  • Abaddon is literally a Knight of Hell and Dean’s just a human so she has more power and therefore power imbalance. 
  • She touches and creeps on Dean without his consent! 
  • Abaddon is in the body of the woman who had a crush on Dean’s grandfather so that’s… creepy and weird. 
  • Also everyone knows if you’re possessing a body and the host has long since departed and someone else is now occupying it, it’s necrophilia. 
  • He killed her??? Canonical murder means the ship is wrong and gross and their relationship is always bad. 
  • Age gap again. Huge evil age gap! 

Eeeevul rating: All kinds of nasty ideas/10

Dreamhunter is totes evul because….

  • Claire is white and Kaia is Native American and therefore Claire has power and privilege over Kaia. (I’m not fucking kidding, I’ve seen variations of this argument for other ships.) 
  • Claire is a horrible evul stalker because she just showed up when Kaia was in the hospital and tried to user her connections to get information about her. 
  • Kaia is implied to have used drugs and that’s not good or cool and won’t be good for their relationship. 
  • Claire has anger issues so she could be a very bad person for Kaia to date. 

Eeeevul rating: Squiggly rift in the universe/10

Samwitch is totes evul because….

  • Rowena tried to kill him and his brother at least a couple times. 
  • Also Sam is supposed to murder her so like… why would you ship a woman with the man who’s supposed to murder her???? Hmmmmm
  • Age gap. 
  • Rowena’s an incredibly powerful witch so she could turn Sam into a bug and step on him. They can never be equals ever. 
  • She calls him Samuel and that’s the name of his evil grandfather so she’s by extension calling him evil and that’s not okay. 
  • Height difference. 
  • Sam wouldn’t let her leave a room one time by physically restraining her. Also, that’s not taking into account all the times she was a prisoner in the bunker. 

Eeeevul rating: Teacup/10

peanutbutter and jelly is totes evul because….

  • It’s blatant jelly/toast erasure. 
  • Some people?? Are allergic??? To peanuts???
  • Bread literally holds this relationship together. Do you really want to food items together that need the support of a third? I don’t think so. 

Eeeevul rating: Disappointed Kindergartner/10 

Hando is totes evul because….

  • Lando told Han he hated him. In canon. Lando hates Han how dare you ship them!
  • Lando cheats at saabak. That’s not good boyfriend material.
  • Han’s a former imperial who became a smuggler. He’s a criminal who makes poor career choices. 
  • Han has no respect for Lando’s cape closet and therefore the rest of Lando’s space. Look at what he did to the Falcon? Han is a slob with no respect for anyone but himself. He’d put all the chores on Lando and that’s unequal division of domestic labor and that’s bad. 
  • Lando betrayed Han! He betrayed him! Betrayal is serious! No amount of turning it around, saving Luke and Leia, then fighting for the good guys can really make up for that, can it? The answer is no. 
  • The three year age gap is barely acceptable. 

Eeeevul rating: I hate you. I know/10 

Luke/Dramatic Clothing is totes evul because….

  • Capitalism 
  • It’s literally, canonically, a relationship where Luke *uses* his clothing. That’s abusive and Luke is scum. 
  • Swooshing is inherently evil. Only villains swoosh.
  • He blatantly stole it from Obi-Wan. 

Eeeevul rating: Gucci Boots/10

Send me a ship and I’ll be facetious about why it’s totes evul!

Oh oh why is Stucky evil I wanna knooooow

Forgive me, it’s been a long time since I watched the Cap movies. Also some of these sentences made me gag. 

Stucky is Totes Evul because….

  • Bucky tried to kill Steve and Steve’s friends and, brainwashing aside, he shouldn’t do that. Also being a bad guy against your will doesn’t excuse the fact that you were a bad guy and should pay for it. (Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little.) 
  • Power imbalance because Bucky is disabled and Steve is a super human with all his limbs and we all know able-bodied partners have more power in a relationship than disabled partners. 
  • Codependency, I guess. 
  • They’re brothers-in-arms and therefore like family so shipping them is incest, apparently. 
  • They’re like hero/sidekick so that’s like boss/employee which is terrible and gross. 
  • Bucky was Steve’s friend/idol when they were kids and teen!Steve looked up to him so therefore their relationship has to be gross because no one ever looks up to their partners (especially when they’re young and experiencing crushes and stuff for the first time). 

Eeeevul rating: 1942/10

Send me a ship and I’ll be facetious as hell about why it’s totes evul!

Sastiel and Finnpoe

Sastiel is Totes Evul because…..

  • Height difference again! Vile!
  • Cas is literally older than dirt so Sam is basically a baby to him :/ ewwww
  • Cas is an angel so he’s got way more power than Sam does and therefore he could do anything he wants to Sam so power imbalance. 
  • Cas literally broke Sam’s brain one time. 
  • Where was Sam when Cas was dying because his grace was fading? Looking for his demon brother? Well that just shows he cares more about the safety of others than his friend so that’s not good for a relationship. 
  • Sam once *hugged* Cas without getting verbal consent. Bad.

Eeeevul rating: 🐊/10

Finnpoe is Totes Evul because….

  • Poe just decided to name Finn without asking??? Rude??? Also it means Poe obviously doesn’t respect Finn’s autonomy and personal choice. 
  • Poe was just all “keep my jacket” like a boyfriend you’ve been seeing for a while thus assuming a lot about their relationship. 
  • Also Poe killed Finn’s friend on Jakku so… yikes. 
  • Finn was all “where’s Rey? Where am I? Are we okay?” And didn’t even bother thanking Poe for anything he’s done so like… super ungrateful.
  • Poe is technically Finn’s boss now so that’s a power imbalance. 

Eeeevul rating: 🚀/10

Send me a ship and I’ll be super facetious about why it’s totes evul!

Wincest and Reylo 😈

You get me. You really get me. 

Wincest is Totes Evul because….

  • There’s a height difference and everyone knows that height differences are bad because… reasons. 
  • Age gap! Like four whole years worth of an age gap! Age gaps are inherently problematic!
  • They’ve both died a whole shit load of times and everyone knows that when a person dies and their spirit leaves their body it’s necrophilia. 
  • Power imbalance! Dean was Sam’s caretaker for a time growing up so that means, despite the fact Sam’s a grown ass man who moved away, has mad his own choices, and literally held the devil at bay, Dean will always have power over him. 
  • They yell at each other a lot when they fight 😦 and good relationships never involve yelling ever. 
  • They’ve punched each other a lot and possession isn’t a valid excuse for beating up on people. They should’ve tried harder to not be possessed. 

Eeeevul rating: 10/10 

Reylo is Totes Evul because….

  • Another height difference! So bad! He’s too tall. He would crush her! 
  • Ten year age gaps are even worse than four year age gaps! She was a toddler when he was a teenager. Is that the foundation of a good relationship? I think not!
  • Rey shot first. She tried to kill him 😦 And then later she slashed his face open and that’s totally abusive guys. Fighting in a life or death situation aside, that’s bad. Rey wouldn’t make a good girlfriend. 
  • He’s a super mega evil Machiavellian evil guy and she’s a precious uwu cinnamon roll so it would never work out. 
  • Rey’s always yelling at Kylo and calling him names. Good relationship don’t ever involve yelling for any reason. 
  • He’s king of the galaxy and she’s a former scavenger so their class difference means they’ve got a power imbalance. Everyone knows rich guy/poor girl romances are NOT A THING. 

Eeevul rating: 87/10

Send me a ship and I’ll be facetious as shit about why it’s totes evul!

rosemoonweaver:

I’m in a salty, facetious mood today. The temptation to play games mocking this “ship negativity” is soooo strong. Everything you love is Capital-P problematic. Everything.

You know what? Screw it.

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you why its Totes Evul and I’ll even give it an Eeeevul score.