Okay!! Thanks for clarifying. It looks like I read your post wrong (wouldn’t be the first time, oops). Fun suckers are 100% a problem in a lot of fandoms and I totally get why they rub you the wrong way.
No worries! And honestly I should’ve been more clear, too. Sometimes I forget that because I know what I’m talking about not everyone else does.
I would like to point out that one can look at things realistically and STILL be dealing with it like an adult. I don’t think it’s fair to deem one way as treating the situation like an adult and another way isn’t. It’s more about the individual situation for me. Unprompted anons? That’s for sure not behaving in adult manner. That’s dragging someone down. I’m with you there. But there is nothing wrong with managing expectations, imo.
I guess I’m also speaking from a place where I’m personalizing this a little. I’m not always positive in my fandom stuff. I’m not always thinking best case scenario. Sometimes I get a little negative. And I would rather not get lumped in with the people who “need to deal with it like an adult.”
So I wasn’t clear when I said that I think it’s more important that people deal with disappointment like an adult. I didn’t mean that managing expectation isn’t dealing with it like an adult. I didn’t really elaborate on it, but to me, dealing with disappointment like an adult means you don’t throw a fit and take it out on everyone when things don’t go your way. Being upset, leaving a fanbase that no longer makes you happy, venting – those are all dealing with it like an adult. Screaming at people, threatening people, being a giant jackass – those are not dealing with it like an adult. What I meant when I said I thought dealing with disappointment was more important than being “realistic” was that I think it’s more important that people handle being upset with maturity than it is that they expect certain things. Like, the way I see it, we can always be wrong or shortsighted but I think it’s more important to know how to handle when things don’t go your way than it is to have no expectations or more realistic expectations. And having high expectations isn’t more mature, either. Does that make sense? Because I’m not saying being actually realistic about stuff is immature. Being slightly cynical or skeptical about things isn’t always a bad thing.
What I was talking about specifically in my post was when people go to positive bloggers completely unprompted, either on anon or on their positive posts and go “But what about X” when the blogger has stated several times they’re not interested in talking about X.That… doesn’t help anyone, imo.
To me, there’s “realistically managing expectations” and then there’s realistically managing expectations. I think a lot of times being realistic is made to be the enemy of positivity even though I don’t agree that it is. “Realistically managing expectations” (with air quotes) is when you get so stuck in the negatives and convince yourself that the only possible outcomes are ones you’re not happy about – which is kind of the exact opposite of when you’re so convinced it can only go the way you’d be happy with that you won’t consider the alternative. It’s being so wrapped up in it that when people say “hey, sure, it could happen but I’m not interested in thinking about that right now, I’m interested in having fun” you try to convince them they’re not being “realistic” and need to adopt your PoV and quit having fun (which I’ve been on the receiving end of). Realistically managing expectations (sans air quotes) is when you would like ABC to happen and you might think it could because of some evidence you have, but you know DEF could also happen and you’re willing to accept that as a possibility as well. It’s also thinking that ABC could be neat but there’s no evidence for it and DEF is the way things are more likely to go, even if you don’t like DEF.
I’m using air quotes for “realistic” for a reason. I’m not talking about people who understand that anything could happen in a series or are coming to conclusions based off what they see and understand. I’m not talking about having a healthy dose of skepticism. I’m talking about the kind of people who suck enjoyment out of things. Actual realism is a good thing. Being so negative that you feel the need to bring down everyone else or not even let yourself consider fun stuff even in fandom, probably isn’t. I’ve seen a lot of people push their negativity off on others under the guise of “realism” and that’s what I’m complaining about.
I do think sometimes it’s anxiety. Other times it’s people who enjoy being negative. I mean… remember when you first did those character appreciation posts? And random people crapped all over them? It’s like the first instinct for some people is to make others miserable too.
On the other hand, I like preparing for all options. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It can help not be so disappointed if things don’t turn out the way you want. So like… good for the positive people. But a little realism never hurt anyone.
I have no doubt that some of it is people just wanting others to be miserable. Which is stupid as hell. You never know what someone is going through on the other side of the computer so undue misery is just… I personally think it’s pretty screwed up.
I get the whole realism thing but at the same token… there’s nothing wrong with not worrying about stuff, you know? Like fandom is for fun and with the state of the world right now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with finding joy in things you want to find joy in. Disappointment can happen but I think it’s more important that people deal with disappointment like adults. There’s a difference between choosing to focus on the things that make you happy and not thinking about things that would make you sad and constantly cutting off your own enjoyment because you’re too scared to even entertain ideas that would make you happy, even in fandom. I’ve seen the latter a lot under the guise of “being realistic” and to me that just seems… honestly a little pointless. Like, you’re wasting your time not being happy and enjoying things because you’re “managing your expectations” when life is like… incredibly unpredictable. It might feel like protecting yourself, but you’re not. You’re still denying yourself happiness. So you’ll be miserable now so you’re prepared for being miserable later instead of being happy now and unexpectedly miserable later. You’re gonna be miserable either way. Might as well sneak some happy in there.
Obviously I have no issue with actually managing expectations and all that but I do think it’s a little counterproductive to do the whole “what if” thing when people just want to talk about stuff they like.To me, a lot of the whole “but you need to think about X” via completely unprompted anons feels less like they’re actually trying to be realistic and more like they’re trying to vent their anxieties and/or convince someone else to be less positive. It just rubs me the wrong way, honestly.
Man, why do people always send positive bloggers things like “But what if X Thing happens in the series you like?” as if those bloggers haven’t already stated they don’t want to entertain the possibility of X Thing?
I get most of the time it’s just anxious folks but damn. Let people enjoy their nerd thing and without worry about the future they have no control over Just take a chill pill. God.
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