A brief vent/rant that will probably make sense to none of you, but that’s okay. 

I have never in my life been accused of being “too optimistic”. I’m much more of a pessimist tbh, to the point that I’ve been called “hopeless” and “seriously depressing”. So, if I’m optimistic about something, no matter how silly or little it might seem to anyone else, it means I’m trying. I’m trying to look on the bright side. To have faith that things might just go my way. That I can make things happen for myself or that the universe might just throw me a fricken bone. So for the love of God, don’t harsh my mellow. Could I wind up disappointed? Yeah, totally. Life is unpredictable and sometimes random crap happens that totally fucks you over. But I’m so tired of looking at everything like it’s all and exercise in futility. I don’t want to feel like any shred of happiness I might occasionally feel is pointless or that future sadness negates present happiness. 

All I’m saying is I have a hard time letting myself feel hopeful and excited. I have a hard time experiencing joy. So if I’m excited about something or I’m looking forward to something, no matter how far away that thing might be or how many steps I need to take to get there, don’t try to put me in a “realist” mindset where I’ve got to think about all the things that overwhelm me to get there. Just let me have one fucking thing for the love of all that is good in this world. I just want one thing. I’m not “too optimistic” I’m just trying my best. You’re not looking out for me, you’re just pissing me off.